Electric Emotions: Healing Through Vulnerability
If I could post my mental state today, it would be: "Today's forecast calls for partly melancholy with severe winds and heavy fog!" ADHD can feel like both a blessing and a curse. For those who don’t struggle with it, imagine driving down a street; suddenly, a stiff wind causes power lines to cross. There’s a massive crack, a voltage surge, and then a bolt of lightning. Once the wires separate, everything seems normal. You might call it a "squirrel moment," but I call it "wires crossed." At that moment, I short-circuited, and everything that was floating around in my mind burst forth.
It's not ADHD causing my feelings today; it’s the toll of the past few weeks. I've been focused on helping others and neglecting what’s most important: me. Through my food addiction journey, I’ve learned I need to manage my emotions positively. In the past, I would have turned to substances or food to cope. Now, I strive to be impeccable with my words, avoid taking things personally, and not make assumptions.
Today, my ADHD is in hyperdrive. After hearing about "Cupcake," I reached out to the chefs we used to hang out with and kept hearing, "This cannot be good!" It wasn’t. I felt like an awful person. Cupcake and I had many conversations, especially after they lost their fiancée to cancer. When I got the news of Cupcake’s passing, my first thought was, "How did they die?" Life happens, and I realized we had lost touch. I’m not jumping to conclusions but letting my emotions wash over me.
Throughout my journey, I’ve learned what benefits my mental health. I’ve set boundaries to protect myself. I feel like I let someone down, but I know I can’t save everyone. I understand that while some stories end, mine continues. Cupcake’s passing reminded me of my "family" from my old company. So much happened during my eight and a half years there: my mother’s cancer, my daughter’s birth, my father’s death. COVID hit me hardest; I lost my passion for food and sought more from life. It became the villain once I left that job, and those "family" members became collateral damage. I recognize I was wrong, and I will change that. I know Cupcake would have forgiven me; that’s the type of person they were. Their death has brought us back together, and I’m committed to keeping those ties.
What you just read reflects my journey in learning to cope with emotions. I wrote this without a filter to show how my mind works. I want you, the readers, to see my raw, vulnerable thoughts. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s one of the greatest gifts we can share. If you don’t believe me, watch Jon Bon Jovi save that woman’s life on the bridge.
